Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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