Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm getting married
To pizza
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
