fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
