this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
