Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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