My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
someone owes me an orgasm
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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