You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
