You really coming over, don't trick.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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