He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so let's talk penis.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize