I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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