I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
