he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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