My friends, they love my intelligence
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
