i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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