mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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