saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
