You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
