I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
