No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
