Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She said her name was "party"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
