i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We are two peas in an std pod
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
