I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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