If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
