Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
