We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
