Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
