Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if only i could text you this smell
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize