If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
