You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
