I wannas sexs uuuuu
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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