pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
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We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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