I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
