Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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