I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
