hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
