OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
