I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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