Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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