I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
