I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
