I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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