I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
