best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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