the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
