I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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