I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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