I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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