That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
