you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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