she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
