I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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