if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
