you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dicks are not precious.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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