I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
