he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
