my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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