Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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